Euphemisms, Cliches and Other Silliness

**Joined:** Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:41 pm **Posts:** 260

I am feeling playful. I decided to start this topic because I was sitting here thinking that I feel so good, if I felt any better, I would have to be twins to hold it all.

Now that's a cliche and my favorite way to answer the question "How are you?" Another answer to the question "How are you?" - "Finer than frogs hair."

"How's life treating you?" - My favorite answers: "Like a baby treats a diaper." or "It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear." (Norm Peters - Cheers)

Go ahead - unload some trite phrases, silly sayings, cliches and euphemisms. I'll be watching.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 12:44 pm

a guy at work told me the other day that, Just because your cat has kittens in oven, that don't make 'em biscuits.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 12:57 pm

Whenever anybody at works asks me how I am I always reply with peachy keen.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 1:12 pm

If a customer asks how I'm doing, I answer "If I was any better, I'd be you!" It's a kiss-up phrase, but it always makes them laugh.

If one of my girls says, "I'm sorry." I respond with, "Yup, sorriest one I've got!" (mother of the year?)

During bouts of frustration, Kevin's liable to sarcastically mention that life is all rainbows and unicorns.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 1:13 pm

How are you?

Vertical and ventilating.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 2:37 pm

"How are you?" Can't complain, nobody would listen.

"What's up?" The moon.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 2:47 pm

Funnily enough, I heard a very old Lancashire saying just yesterday. When shocked by a piece of unexpected news such as "My little Jonny scored A+ on his math paper", the reply would be "Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs". I have no idea how the saying came about.

After a little Googling, I'll take this explanation:

Quote:

My understanding of it is that the person has just heard an amazing piece of information which is so important that it needs to be communicated immediately to the other people in the household (who happen to be upstairs). Therefore you go tho the foot of the stairs in order to shout it up to the others so that they can hear. An even more exciting bit of news would result in the person rushing up the stairs to tell them. So "I'll go the foot of our stairs" refers to something which is moderately fascinating, but not totally fascinating.

(Thank you http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Phrases-and-Sayings/Question13527.html )

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 4:53 pm

My grandma, when referring to someone's age, always said they were "older than black thread." Another one she uses is "older than dirt."

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 5:40 pm

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 5:52 pm

With everlasting thanks to my sweet nephew when he was 4 years old...

Individual..."It's raining cats and dogs."
Me..."Yup, and pigs."

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 7:32 pm

I'm one day older than God

**Joined:** Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:41 pm **Posts:** 260

When my housemate Robin was asked "How's life?" She had three stock answers:
"It's a tasty cereal."
"It's a fascinating board game."
"It's an award winning magazine."

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:33 pm

Marty Canuck wrote:

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Is a bear a Catholic?

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:35 pm

Occasionally if someone asks me "How are you?" I'll pause, put my finger tips up the pulse point on my neck and look down at my watch for a few seconds, before replying in tones of mild surprise "Still alive!"
:mrgreen:

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:39 pm

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:07 pm

That guy is sharp as the edge of town.

He's two sandwiches short of a picnic.

I'm so tired I feel like I've been dragged through a knothole.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:27 pm

Sometimes down south, "Bless his heart" is a rather polite way of expressing not so nice sentiments.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:40 pm

Frito Bandito wrote:

Sometimes down south, "Bless his heart" is a rather polite way of expressing not so nice sentiments.

Yeah, that usually precedes a rather damning statement. By some nice lady.

Dumber than a box of rocks. Or a sack of hammers. Half a bubble off of plumb. Most people have heard all of 'em.

We had a saying back in the eighties when someone suggested an activity or destination to our party hearty selves: "Might as well. Can't dance and it's too windy to haul rocks". I don't know if that was just a local saying or not.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:51 pm

His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:54 pm

A few ants short of a picnic.

**Joined:** Mon Oct 27, 2008 7:34 pm **Posts:** 32

One of my silly sayings, usually to my co-workers about other co-workers or clients when they've done something dumb is..."he's (or she's) not the brightest light in the hallway!"

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:57 pm

David wrote:

We had a saying back in the eighties when someone suggested an activity or destination to our party hearty selves: "Might as well. Can't dance and it's too windy to haul rocks".

Ours was; Might as well, can't dance and the fish ain't bitin'.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:01 pm

Our adults in our family have always warned the kids that if they didn't stop (whatever) they'd get a double peckyeckus in their gazulium.

If someone is sort of sick and doesn't really know what's wrong, then they have a peckyeckus.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:28 pm

The funny thing about that little white speck on the top of chicken shit. That little white speck is chicken shit too.

**Joined:** Mon Oct 27, 2008 7:34 pm **Posts:** 32

When my sisters and I were young and started acting bad in the car, my mother would treaten us with "If I have to pull this car over....heads will roll!" Not sure what that means excactly, but it did NOT sound good and worked to make us behave.

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 11:10 pm

Often, if someone asks me "What's the deal?"
I'll reply: "How should I know? I'm not playing with a full deck!"

**Posted:** Fri Jul 30, 2010 11:56 pm

Frito Bandito wrote:

Sometimes down south, "Bless his heart" is a rather polite way of expressing not so nice sentiments.

My sweet, loving and kind* Great Grandmother used to say, "Well, bless his pointed little head." We were kids, we had no clue. And there's a good chance she didn't understand the implication herself.

*And that woman was meaner than snake spit. (Who wouldn't be after 13 kids?)

**Joined:** Mon Feb 08, 2010 3:27 pm **Posts:** 37

Shack wrote:

Image gone!

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 12:40 am

Kris wrote:

Image gone!

Yeah, like I only have one place to UL to...hadn't considered that PB might balk, asshats!

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 6:01 am

Whenever we had to sit on the ground outside, my dad would warn us to, "be careful or you'll get rumpumples in your breadbasket."

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 7:01 am

"The early bird gets the worm."

"Yeah, and the afternoon cat waits until the early bird has gorged himself on worms then picks him off real easy!"

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 7:52 am

One of my favorite euphemisms is one I learned here recently, from Rachel, bless her heart. :mrgreen:

Some examples from my blog:

Jackie wrote:

Brookeword that's hot.

Jackie wrote:

Oops. Almost brooked up. When I mow the yard I wear an old pair of glasses instead of my good ones. Don't want to have my lenses scratched with flying debris.
OK glasses changed. Back to the mowing.

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 8:09 am

Marty Canuck wrote:

"The early bird gets the worm."

"The second mouse gets the cheese!"

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 8:10 am

It doesn't matter if you win the Rat Race...

... you're still a rat!

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:41 am

The lights are on but nobody's home!

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 12:25 pm

There's a man in Conyers, GA, who always wishes us a day that is "finer than a frog's hair split four ways." It always makes me giggle.

I've heard many variations on the "a (couple) X short of a Y" theme, and the "not the (superlative for a trait) (object) in the (container)" theme. I've made a few up for different situations and different audiences.

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 1:25 pm

Juli wrote:

"a (couple) X short of a Y" theme, and the "not the (superlative for a trait) (object) in the (container)" theme.

I love it when you talk variable...

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 1:57 pm

David wrote:

We had a saying back in the eighties when someone suggested an activity or destination to our party hearty selves: "Might as well. Can't dance and it's too windy to haul rocks". I don't know if that was just a local saying or not.

Local variation here is “Might as well. Can't dance and it's too wet to haul plow”.

‘How am I? Alive, much to the consternation of both exes’

Acknowledging agreement: ‘Is a four pound robin fat?’
Understatement: ‘You call an alligator a lizard?’ ‘You call King Kong a chimpanzee?’

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:00 pm

That should have been "galoozalum" not "gazulium".

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:33 pm

Tis wrote:

That should have been "galoozalum" not "gazulium".

There's a difference?

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 9:29 pm

More silliness:

That old man is tighter than a fat woman's sock.

Damn, that's louder than two skeletons fucking on a tin roof.

On that theme... You drive like old people fuck! Slow and sloppy!

It's hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock.

I'm busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.

I'm busier than a one-armed grocery sacker. (Saw one once, he was in fact busy)

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 9:43 pm

I have a friends that always asks, "Are you coming, or just breathing hard?" when he wants to know if we are on our way.

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 10:17 pm

The more the cushion, the better the pushin'.

**Posted:** Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:57 pm

I may have just made one up. That or it has been around for ages and I'm taking credit n

I'm not cruel, just unusual.

**Posted:** Sun Aug 01, 2010 8:38 am

They are so skinny they have to run around in the shower to get wet.

**Posted:** Sun Aug 01, 2010 10:43 am

She's so skinny if she turns sideways and sticks out her tongue she looks like a zipper.

He's so skinny he has to stand twice in the same place to cast a shadow.

**Posted:** Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:16 pm

One answer for the "How are you?" that I love is "Able to sit up and take nourishment". It's all the more funny if the askee has obviously been doing more strenuous activity.

**Posted:** Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:34 pm

Ugly as homemade sin.

**Joined:** Tue Apr 29, 2008 12:41 pm **Posts:** 260

She/he has a brain ten pounds lighter than a straw hat.

She/he has a mind like a steel trap - everything that goes in comes out mangled.

**Posted:** Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:33 pm

She/he has a mind like a steel trap - rusted shut. (for close minded/stubborn)
also She/he has a mind like a steel trap - a little rusty. (For someone slow...)

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