Joke A Day Forums

We definitely share some sports tendencies, Malcolm. I'd rather my team not win than win with talented jerks. The Cowboys were full of jerks last year, Terrell Owens being the most notable. I was so happy when they cut his dumb ass. (and let most of the other jerks walk) Yet the area sports blog comment sections and sports talk radio were full of fans defending him. Many turned it into a racial issue, never mind T.O.'s declining production. He simply is not a great impact player any more and isn't worth the baggage he brings.

I would likely enjoy a football (soccer) game live no matter the score once I understood the rules. I never appreciated hockey until I saw a game in person. Both sports fail on television for a casual fan like me, but come to life when you are there.

What was it some coach told his players to do after scoring a TD?
ACT LIKE YOU'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE!

That said, celebrating after routine plays is getting ridiculous. I remember Roy Williams signaling first downs when he played for the Lions......I just wanted to scream "HEY DICKWAD, YOU ARE 0 AND WHATEVER............YOU AIN'T DONE ANYTHING YET!"

On the other hand, especially in college FB, 15 yards for "excessive celebration"?? I have never agreed with that, never will. Let the kids celebrate......emphasis on KIDS.

TCU is simply better than Boise. I look for them to dominate and I'll be disappointed if they don't.

Just recording this prediction here as kickoff nears.

^ Remembers why he doesn't gamble...

At first I was pretty sure Sabin blew it. Then things turned around. At least now we got a game.

I am totally impressed with the kid Pittsburgh threw in net vs. Vancouver tonight. Came in to a bad situation at 19 years old in his first NHL game and only gave up 1 goal which was not even stoppable. Good for him and good for the rest of the Penguins for the way they supported him.

I can't spell his name and he can't speak any English but the look on his face when Crosby came back and gave him the game puck at the end of the game said it all. He had a thrilling night. And then to get named one of the game stars even though his team lost. He deserved it. These memories will last him a lifetime already.

Am I the only person that hates, HATES when Phil Simms is the "analyst" for my football watching? (I didn't scroll up, I feel like I have posted this rant before, so bear with me.)

Phil fucking Simms. Hey, dude, you played the game. You won a Super Bowl. That's pretty rarified air. So tell me, why can you not come up with any analysis that doesn't tell me what I just learned from watching the play? Oh, the Jets had busted coverage on that touchdown? Damn, I would not have known that, except I just saw it. The dude was totally uncovered. Really, is that the best you got? "Here's what you just watched and since you already know what happened I'm going to tell you again so I can pretend to sound smart."

Look, dipshit. I don't need you to tell me that someone missed a block. My tv shows me that. I don't need you to tell me that a receiver was uncovered. I just saw it. I don't need you to tell me that the DB just missed a tackle and that's why the running back made a long run. I just fucking saw it. What you do is not analysis, what you do is replay. Any football fan can do what you do, and they are paying you how much for the big bag of nothing you bring every week?

Next up: Phil Simms sparing us to death with his "analyst skills" in the Super Bowl. Jesus H. Christ. What a thief.

And thanks to Jerrah Jones, us Cow fans are stuck with his incredibly stupid "hook 'em horns" celebration every time he does something, about seven times a year now. Will y'all take him back? He sucks, he should not be in the NFL at this point. ::sigh::

Oh, never mind, Millen is not your GM any more.

No thanks, we have enough receivers who can't catch.

I likely know less about what the Brits call football than Brits know about our NFL. I like the system y'all have, as much as I understand it, for crowning a champion what with it being based on actual play on the field and the outcome of games. I'm intrigued by what little I understand about how football teams move up or down in league status based on performance. (I should read a bit more about it so I could understand WTH I'm talking about.) I appreciate the passion, as I have said before, of the English football fan. I understand that Malcolm Glazer is incredibly unpopular over there and I can understand why. No fan wants an owner that is simply in it for a business profit.

Which bring me to the owners of Liverpool, a couple more businessmen looking to make a profit, namely George Gillette and one Tom Hicks. Well, concerning Hicks, I ran across an interesting story that was just posted.

Liverpool FC fans. I feel your pain. Tom Hicks recently signed off on a deal to sell the Texas Rangers to a man named Chuck Greenberg. You wouldn't believe the elation exhibited by Rangers fans, online at least. We finally have an owner that seems to get it. (My dog is named Ranger for more than one reason.) We're pumped, excited about the future, and can't wait to see what happens. Rangers fans have been bitching about Hicks for years, especially after he "invested" all on credit, to purchase the Liverpool team. Hamstrung his baseball and hockey teams in our view. The payrolls of both the Stars and Rangers point to that. We kinda' like winning teams around here. The Rangers have never won a damned thing except a division title. Whoop te do. We're spoiled by the success of the Cowboys and their incredible record over the last thirty years. We want and expect championships and nothing else. Yes, we are spoiled.

Maybe losing his baseball team had something to do with Hick's behavior over there. I find that story incredibly amusing for some reason. Buck up, Liverpool fans, there may be hope yet. Though Malcolm, JAD not Glazer, is probably fine with the current arrangement.

Absolutely correct David, we will have similar protests against Glazer, I am sure, but again the voices will fall on deaf ears. They have just bought our football clubs to asset-strip and earn $$$.

. It's quite simple. Over the space of one season, you play every other team in your league twice, once at your ground, once at theirs. If you win, you get three points, if the game is tied, each team gets a point each, if you lose, you get nothing. The champions are the ones with the most points at the end of the season. If there is a tie on points, then the team with the best goal difference (Goals scored minus goals conceded) wins.

It's that simple, score goals or lose. I've just looked up NFL Standings and it looks like a statistician's wet-dream.

Mind you, to the uninitiated I suppose the Premiership table isn't easy reading. It boils down to this.

Chelsea have played 23 of their 38 games, have a total of 54 points and have a goal difference of 38.
ManUtd have played 24 of their 38 games, have a total of 53 points and have a goal difference of 36.
Arsenal have played 24 of their 38 games, have a total of 49 points and have a goal difference of 32.

No other team is really in contention.

If you want to know more, please do ask.

Maybe one of you Sports Dumpers can answer a question for me: why did they have the Pro Bowl before the Super Bowl this year? I always recall it being after.

The NFL honchos are well aware that nobody gives a damn about the Pro Bowl. It's become more and more of a joke over the years. Players get voted in and decline to play. This year, there was something like 31 no-shows, who then get replaced by a lesser player. I think each team was down to the fourth or fifth quarterback this year. Seems like the AFC had Vince Young and David Garrard. Really? That's the two best QBs in the AFC?!? It's not an All Star game when you're down to mid - level talent at many positions, especially QB.

And it's not even a real football game, it's the biggest joke of an All Star event in any sport in the world. Not one of those guys is going to risk a career ending injury in a totally meaningless game, thus there is very little blocking, tackling, hitting, or aggression. Complete farce of a game.

So some genius thought "Hey, this year we'll stage it before the Super Bowl! That way everyone will still be interested!" Well, they achieved their goal of increased attention. Uhh, one problem - it's all negative attention.

Yep, the only thing missing was the flag belts around their waist, I watched about ten minutes of it and moved on.

Thanks to the powers Mods that be for deciding to do the update this Saturday afternoon instead of Sunday afternoon. The only alternative would have been to watch A FOUR AND A HALF HOUR PREGAME SHOW. I mean I enjoy football just about as much as any fan, still the actual game won't last that long.

WTF.

Sorry but I just don't care about the Pro Bowl.

Super Bowl however is a whole different story.

But who should I root for?

The NFC Saints because I'm a Falcons thus NFC fan? Or the Colts because I was born in Baltimore and rooted fot the Colts before they snuck out of town in the middle of the night?

OK. This is one Super Bowl where I like both teams. Guess I'll just get drunk, pig out, and enjoy the commercials

Yeah, me too.


And for once I'm going to wake up on Super Bowl Monday, not only remembering who won, but the actual score.

Good plan. I like both teams as well. I suppose I will root for the Saints, for whatever reason, I just hope it is a good game.

On that note, Colts fans have to be jittery about Bob Sanders, I wonder if he will be able to play and if so will he be effective. I have serious doubts about both of those issues. Colts could be in trouble.

There's an old photo around here somewhere of seven or so year old me with a Unitas jersey on, mimicking his football throwing pose, Jackie. I hated when they moved. They are the Baltimore Colts or they were always supposed to be. I imagine that Minnesota North Stars fans are still bitter that the transplanted Dallas Stars won Lord Stanley's cup back in 1999 as well. Franchise movement happens, but the fan is left out of the decisions.

Oh Mike - There are going to be pretend stock cars running around a high banked track at some point Saturday. Might be an entertainment option.

I have no idea when, so that should give you an idea how low my NASCAR fandom has sunk.

David, don't even get me started about that prick Norm Green packing up and leaving in the middle of the night.

Almosty time for kick-off. Yay!!!!

Happy for NOLA!

Congrats to the 'aints on this terrific win.
The 'aints 'aint the 'aints no more.
A GREAT game, exciting 'til almost the end. I enjoyed it thoroughly.

What I DIDN'T enjoy was most of the ads, (loved the dog with the anti-bark collar) and the halftime show. Maybe Roger and Pete should call it a career, I don't think they sounded that good, and at times, sounded absolutely HORRIBLE!

Now if only my Lions can become something more than kittycats?

Seems NASCAR is becoming more like the local Demolition Derby's everyday, except they do it a 190 MPH

Jay Leno says NASCAR is making changes. They are gonna make everybody drive a Prius.

Rachel's favorite driver is an ass. He just makes nice when he knows people are watching. First he caused a wreck, took out Joey Logano, (If you listen to his spotter's audio he is told that there is a car "inside" yet he went down anyway) and pretended to be cool about it before the cameras. Then he turned into Keselowski at the worst possible part of the track. I don't understand why he gets the benefit of the doubt in this case. It was blatant. While I have zero problem with Carl turning him, I have a big problem with where he decided to do it. He put a lot of innocent people, and in this case an innocent driver, in harm's way. Carl caused the first wreck, and damn sure caused the second on purpose. Three race "probation"? What a joke.

Speaking of jokes, how about the Washington Redskins signing RB Larry Johnson to a 3 year contract? Wow.

FINALLY, the Red Wings beat a team they should have beaten in game 6.
next victim...San Jose.

GO WINGS!!!

If the team leading game 7 tonight wins it will be a huge injustice!

that being????

Montreal. It ended badly. I wanted the Caps to advance. Much more exciting hockey from them.

Armando Gallaraga got screwed. The ump admitted it.
I will admit that Armando is a bigger man than I am. I would have been soo fucking mad, I would have punched the ump the next day.
The ump, Jim Joyce, is also a bigger man than I am. He had the option to NOT work the next day in Detroit, yet there he was.
The only one falling down is MLB commish Bud Selig, by refusing to overturn an incorrect call and giving a PERFECT GAME to the man who earned it.

I disagree just because it was a blown call on the last out doesn't mean anything to me. What about a bad call in the third inning, the sixth inning, what if it was a bad all on the first out of the ninth? A bad call is a bad call and that is the human element of the game.

Or how about this say the next batter in the game, after the bad call hit a home run, and that team won the game. Do you go back and say oops sorry no home run, you didn't win the next day?

The only thing I think this will do is maybe introduce more instant replay other than for just home runs in baseball.

Oh here is another thought...

Let us say the situation was reversed. The umpire made a call on the last out and called the runner out when he was actually safe. The record book would show that there was a perfect game. The replay would show it wasn't. Should the commissioner then say it wasn't a perfect game and the game must continue in the future? Should he erase the perfect game that was in the books?

Should we go back and reverse the call in the 1985 World Series that cost the Cardinals the series? Sorry Kansas City give back that trophy Cardinals really won.

I think not...

Good points, Mank, and I think that is why that idiot Selig got it right this time. You simply don't want to open that bag of snakes. How many bad calls do you go back and review?

Galaragga, a journeyman pitcher, will never have that perfect game on his resume, but he will have legendary status as "that dude that got screwed out of a perfect game" by the umpire. Everyone knows it, especially Jim Joyce, and he feels worse about it than anyone else.

I think there is no damage done here. Does pitching one perfect game get you more money if you're Andres Gallaraga? I doubt it. You're still Andres Gallaraga, useful pitcher but not all that great. So you had that one game, we still aren't giving you 5 years at 60 mil or whatever.

To put it another way, who now remembers Roy Halliday's perfecto from a few games ago now? All anyone in the sports world is talking about is Andres Gallaraga and how he got screwed. That, and replay, which is another subject.

David,

EXACTLY! This would have been the 3rd perfect game this year. I remember Halliday since it was recent but who was the first guy this year? Somebody from the A's. I remember that pitcher from the A's more for telling A-Rod don't walk across my mound than the pefect game and I still can't remember his name.

People will remember Gallaraga for the guy that got screwed longer than remembering others that pitched a perfect game.

That, and as I said, reversing that call would net him exactly zero dollars. He knows he threw a perfect game, the umps know it, and everyone in the baseball world knows it. The record book will not record that fact, and that is all he loses.

Should he be fortunate enough to have grandchildren someday, he can regale them with tales of the time Granddaddy got robbed of a rare feat.

Brooke likes Matt Kenseth. I'm OK with that, since he drives for Jack Roush. Go ahead, ask her how she picked her favorite driver.

I would imagine it's because she likes DeWalt tools.

Yup, that's it.

Not exactly... I like DeWalt yellow... Not that I dislike the tools, but the color...

You don't like blacks? Is that what you're saying? That's kinda' harsh considering we are in a sports topic and most sports are dominated by blacks.

No no!! That's short for the color red!!

It's not my favorite!!

Only YOU can stop tool racism......

Most of my dad's tools are the same color as whatever tractor he's working on at the time. He can't pour it back in the can once the hardener is in it, so he uses whatever is left in the spray can to paint everything in site. If his brother borrows some hot wire posts, Dad knows exactly which ones are his because they are Allis Chalmers orange. Same with a hammer borrowed by a neighbor kid. If it's orange, it's his.

Now, Dad's started restoration on an Oliver, so everything is becoming green. The metal stool in his shop is green, and other tools are slowly turning from red or orange to green.

I'm sure you've all heard, but the Wellington-Napoleon R-9 Tigers are starting this season like they played last season. They're 2 and 0. Tonight's win was 41-8. I know you probably saw it on the national news or ESPN or something, but just in case...

I was listening on my transistor radio, since we don't get TV coverage of your school down here. How weird is it to have Napoleon and Wellington with a combined school district? Does that not strike anyone as odd?

(Here's where I wish I knew more about history) I suppose if you beat the other team 41-8 it's all good. Who's next, the Hessians? Prussians? ::xxnnsnsnx::

Good call David!

If you thing a Wellington/Napoleon combo is weird, don't sweat it. I can clear it up. The town between the two (which is no longer an incorporated town, but was when I was a wee lass) is Waterloo. Where did Wellington and Napoleon meet? Also, that was a question on jeopardy one night, and they were talking about the towns in MO! HA! We're famous!